


Seinfeldstuck

by abraxasgrip



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-20 23:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21290015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abraxasgrip/pseuds/abraxasgrip
Summary: I dont know why. June is Jerry,Vriska is George, Roxy is Elaine, Terezi is Kramer
Comments: 11
Kudos: 58





	Seinfeldstuck

A familar baseline introduces June, gay-sitting, enraptured, on the armrest of her couch, watching a vhs of a newly released film. She's wearing a heinous blue dress shirt, tucked into ever so slightly darker blue jeans. 

Vriska slams open the door without a single knock, barreling into the middle of the living room, arms crossed over an oversized grey sportscoat, unbuttoned. June takes a long look over her shoulder as she catches her breath 

VRISKA: June!!!!!!!!   
VRISKA: You are NOT gonna 8elieve this!!!!!!!!  


*laughter from the live studio audience* 

JUNE: oh hey vriska.  
VRISKA: So there I was  
VRISKA: Smuggling some shrimp onto my d8's pl8  
JUNE: smuggling, you say?  
VRISKA: Smuggling.   
VRISKA: I didn't want em!  
JUNE: but you ordered them?  
VRISKA: The w8r asked me what I wanted!   
VRISKA: Couldn't say we needed more time  
VRISKA: She knew off the 8at what she wanted  
VRISKA: How am I supposed to choose right in under that kind of pressure, June?  
VRISKA: So I ordered the shrimp scampi.  
VRISKA: Anyways this girl goes to pee, I unload a couple shellfish, no 8ig deal!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Girl comes 8ack, takes a 8ite without looking........  
VRISKA: falls right into her mushroom Florentine!  
JUNE: DEAD?   
VRISKA: Ohh no no   
VRISKA: No no no no no   
VRISKA: No.  
JUNE: oh, so no then?  
VRISKA: Weeeeeellll  
VRISKA: I assume not!  
VRISKA: She didn't respond when I asked her if that meant she wasnt gonna finish her pasta  
VRISKA: So I uhhhhhhhh   
VRISKA: 8ooked it.  
VRISKA: How was I supposed to know she's allergic!  


*studio laughter* 

VRISKA: Soooooooo I might need to lay low for a d8y or two, you know the drill.  
VRISKA: Anyw8s, whatcha watching?  
JUNE: oh the new simon west flick, con air.   
JUNE: phenomenal film making.  
JUNE: this nic cage guy is really goin places!  


*intense, feverish studio laughter*

Vriska nods thoughtfully and joins June on the couch, perched on the opposite arm rest, soon equally enthralled. 

VRISKA: Ya know!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: M8be this Nic Cage guy really is goin places.  
VRISKA: There's just somethin about him that draws ya in........  
JUNE: maybe his boundless charisma?  
VRISKA: Yeah I'm thinkin thats it  


Moments later, the door busts open once more, with a little less force. 

Roxy rushes in, wearing a pink sports coat over a floral patterned dress. Vriska and June take a long, perfectly in synch look at them from their respective perches. 

ROXY: oh june this is TERRIBLE :(  
ROXY: there i was, minding my own business, playing the new dungeon keeper  
ROXY: & my bffsie texts me, saying she got stood up halfway thru a date  
ROXY: can't remember much, but she woke up in a pile of pasta   
ROXY: with some half chewed shellfish halfway down her throat  
ROXY: which she's MAD allergic to  
ROXY: she's never had a date she hasnt told about it first so idk why theyd let her eat that much of it :(  
ROXY: & now she's in the hospital getting her stomach pumped!  
ROXY: i mean poor girl just can't get a break  
ROXY: first jake leaves her for some dude who wont shut up about some stupid bio robot anime  
ROXY: & now this :(  


June slowly turn to Vriska, who holds her eye contact with Roxy, expressionless. 

VRISKA: I mean........  
VRISKA: who could even do such a thing!!!!!!!!  


*feverish, layered studio laughter. One dude is seriously losing it somewhere in the back.* 

JUNE: who indeed!   
VRISKA: I mean what is the world coming to!!!!!!!!  
JUNE: you'd have to be a real crook to pull that kinda move.   
VRISKA: A real crook!!!!!!!!  
ROXY: ugh yeah :(  
VRISKA: She wouldn't uhhhhhhh happen to know who did it, would she?  
ROXY: no, poor bb got knocked clean out  
ROXY: all she said was smth about a "rather greasy bitch in a dumb grey sportscoat. Just my type, sadly :B"  


Vriska smiles nervously and nods quickly while maintaining eye contact, and rushes to shrug off her jacket while Roxy goes to get some water. 

*That same dude is still going absolutely ham, audience is loving it.* 

While Vriska is hunched over, cramming the sports coat as far as she can under the couch, the door busts open again, with the most force we've seen so far. Terezi slides through the opening, while everyone, again, turns in perfect synch to get a look at this last intruder. She's wearing a frankly criminal teal blue sportscoat over a bright red undershirt and pants combo. 

TEREZI: JUN3 YOUR3 NOT GONN4 B3L13V3 TH1S  
JUNE: i think you'd be pretty surprised, actually :B.  
TEREZI: SO TH3R3 1 W4S  
TEREZI: L1B3R4T1NG SOM3 SN4CKS FROM TH3 P4ST4 F13ST4 DUMPST3R   
JUNE: liberating, you say?  
TEREZI: 1 W4SNT 4BOUT TO L3T GOOD BR34DST1CKS GO TO W4ST3, JUN3 >:/  
TEREZI: SO 4 G1RL H4S TO DO WH4T 4 G1RL H4S TO DO  
TEREZI: 4NYW4YS  
TEREZI: 1 W4S ST4ND1NG TH3R3, G4TH3R1NG UP MY LOOT  
TEREZI: 4ND 4 BUNCH OF CH3F RUB3S COM3 BUST1NG OUT  
TEREZI: C4RRY1NG SOM3 G1RL 1N TH31R 4RMS  
TEREZI: 4S 4N 4MBUL4NC3 COM3S WH1N1NG UP 4ND OV3R TH3 CURB  
TEREZI: L34V1NG TH3 K1TCH3N UNGU4RD3D   
TEREZI: SO 1 W4S WOND3R1NG 1F YOU 4NY OF YOU WOULD KNOW HOW TO 1NST4LL 4 P1ZZ4 OV3N 1N 4N 4P4RTM3NT  
TEREZI: WHO3V3R H3LPS G3TS FR33 W4RM ST1CKS  


*the studio is fucking LOSING it. One of these dudes is seriously about to give himself a hernia*

JUNE: why would I k   
VRISKA: Terezi do you think I could incener8, say, a sportscoat in an oven like that????????  
TEREZI: W3LL SUR3!  
TEREZI: WH3N TH4T B4D BOY G3TS4 RUNN1N TH3R3S NOT MUCH 1T C4NT TORCH >:]  
VRISKA: I'm in!!!!!!!!  


She grabs the half stuffed coat and vaults over the couch, highfiving Terezi as they sprint out of the apartment

ROXY: hey that jacket looks kinda familiar  
VRISKA: Not for long it wont!!!!!!!!  


They bust over into the next apartment, leaving June and Roxy on their own, making awkward eye contact from across the apartment. June gestures to the TV

JUNE:...care for some Cage?  


Roxy opens their mouth for a second, before rolling their eyes and shrugging, making their way to the perch formerly occupied by Vriska.

ROXY: yeah why not.  
ROXY: I hear that guy is really goin places  



End file.
